Julie Ferman


Dating Etiquette at Julie Ferman


Phone Etiquette, Cell Phones, leaving messages, etc...
1. If you can't talk when your phone rings...don't pick up -- let it go to voice mail, and return the call when you can give this caller your focused attention.

2. Make sure there's a warm, friendly greeting on your voice mail, recorded in YOUR voice, and make sure it's clear that it is your phone number, as in "Hi, it's Julie. Sorry I can't take your call at the moment, please leave me your name and number and I will be happy to return your call"

3. Leave your phone in your car, or silenced in your pocket or purse when on a date. In other words...when on a date, focus your attention on THIS person. Practice being here now...

4. Always return phone calls. Don't make people chase you down by saying "I can't talk now, can you call me later?" Rather...take their number down and YOU return the call, or...better yet...see #1 above...

5. If someone doesn't return your phone call, don't assume that they received your message. We all make the occasional mistake of saving a voice mail (and forgetting that we need to return the call) or worse...we think we've hit the Save button and we hit Delete in error. Give people the benefit of the doubt and send an email or place a second call before "giving up" on someone entirely.

What if during the initial phone conversation I feel that we're really not a match? Should we meet anyway?
Absolutely, Yes. Julie Ferman is an introduction agency, and we expect each and every match we generate to result in at least a first date, ideally a second and a third. My suggestion - when in doubt, meet. Still in doubt? Meet again. Often the magic starts on the third date. And well, if the magic just isn't there for one or both of you, just be grown-ups about it and say what's so for you. It's fine to say, "I'm glad we met. Thank you for a lovely evening" and leave it at that. Don't say you'll call, if you don't plan to. It's also OK to say, "I'm not feeling the pull toward romance, but let's stay friendly."...?"

If I've said Yes to meeting someone, can I later change my mind?
Definitley not, except for really good reason, like you've fallen madly in love with someone else or you're moving out of state. Email us to let us know what your issue is and we'll help you determine the best course of action regarding this particular match.

How to I tell someone that I'm just not feeling a romantic spark?
Have the courage to speak the truth. Be kind and courteous in communicating your message in your phone conversations, in your emails back and forth, and face to face. There will be times when you really want to pursue a relationship with this new person, in which case, speak the truth, take the risk, and let your intentions be known. And on the other hand, there will be times when you don''t think it's a fit and what's best to do is to communicate that you're happy to have connected, but that you don't sense a possibility for a romantic fit, and wish her/him well. Rejection happens in dating, so you can plan on it, and we hope that both parties handle it with compassion, courtesy and honesty.

What are most single "daters" doing wrong? What are the common pitfalls?
Taking everything far too seriously and too personally. Their expectations are too often unrealistic (One of my Clients calls expectation "Premeditated Resentment"...) and they make all kinds of ASSUMPTIONS about what the other's behavior might mean. Just be honest with each other, say what's so for you, keep your word, call when you say you will, don't say you'll call if you really don't want to.

Treat each other with respect, and have the courage to explore, be vulnerable, open up, engage your heart, be good to people, and look for what's RIGHT, not for what's lacking...and just focus on contributing to each person you meet along the way. Be in the PRESENT, vs. in fear of the past or in expectation of the future. And have FUN with it.

I've called and left a message, and haven't heard back. What should I do?
Please always be sure to leave your name and your number, and say the number twice. If your call hasn't been returned within two days, call one more time, and try sending an email too (with a warm tone...) indicating that you're looking forward to meeting, and offer some openings in your schedule for the first date. Or email us at Julie Ferman and let us know that you'd like our help in getting you connected for the first date.


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