Julie Ferman

by The Dating Director, Cherry Norris

It’s a question many of us ask…especially when we meet someone we really like. It’s hard to resist not giving in when the juices are flowing and the chemistry’s hot. Personally I think there’s only one hard and fast rule around when to have sex. That is: when you know the plan. If you want a one-night stand or a brief affair and your partner is in agreement, go for it. Just make sure you’re on the same page. That way, feelings aren’t hurt and agendas aren’t mixed.

If you want a long-term romance, talk to your partner about the plan. There are three elements that constitute a committed relationship… Longevity, continuity and exclusivity. You need all three. One or two simply ain’t good enough!

Longevity: What is the long-term plan? If you want to be married, does your partner want the same thing? This doesn’t mean you’ll end up marrying each other, but at least you’ll know if you’re moving in the same direction.

Continuity: How often do you plan to see each? Once a week? Twice a week? Monthly? If you’re long distance, how often will you visit?

Monogamy: This means social as well as sexual monogamy. It’s a wonderful thing to have a sexual commitment. It’s also a good idea to contract the social monogamy so your partner’s not back on line looking for another deal!

Finally, I think it’s valuable for two people who want a long-term, romantic relationship to allow the friendship to grow as long as possible. The best romance is between the ears. Anticipation during courtship can be so delicious! Once a couple enters into a sexual relationship, the dynamics shift. So enjoy the foreplay! In my opinion, the longer you wait to consummate sex, the deeper the feelings of love making. If you can resist until the third or fourth month, you’ll have a much better idea of whom you’re with in a relationship.

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