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Learning About Men From Men
by Alison Armstrong
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Listening to Men
To create the kind of situation that enables men to communicate fully, remember this:
· Make sure it is a good time to ask a question. This means when he is not doing anything else (including things you don't think are important). To check, you can ask, "Is this a good time to ask a question?" Don't take it personally if he says no and try again at a later time.
· After you ask the question, give him time to think before he responds. He is not taking the answer off the top of his head, he is really thinking about it. That is the respect he is paying to your question. Just wait patiently while he thinks. If you prompt him, or rephrase your question, that will interrupt his thought processes.
· Once he starts talking, don't interrupt him. This includes a comment, objection or another question
· Watch nodding your head excessively, or agreeing verbally. This can also be an interruption.
· When it seems like he is finished, listen "one minute longer". Do this until he says he is done. When he takes a breath, don't jump in. While men are accused of being "shallow", they are actually the opposite. They are like deep, deep wells. If you don't give him a chance to draw up another bucket, you will only get what was on the surface.
· Make sure you are safe to talk to -- this means that you can't have a "right answer" in mind. If his answer will get him in trouble with you, he can tell this and is likely to notanswer at all. The odds of him answering the question the way you would are slim, be willing to be surprised and learn something from him.
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· Appreciate him for answering your question. Even if you didn't like the answer, he honored your question with a response.
PAX is passionate about altering our society’s culture by transforming the way women relate to men. We provide extraordinary information with which women can profoundly affect their relationships with men of all ages and in all circumstances.
See our Web Site for complete schedule and location information at www.understandmen.com. Or call (800) 418-9924
95 Great Questions to Ask Men
Here are some of the "Greatest Hits" from our panels. While the questions may not seem special to you, the responses we have received from men have been extraordinarily enlightening. If you are asking a question about women, take a deep breath and listen with curiosity. To start out, we recommend asking the questions about them and their lives outside of women. That way you can practice being safe to talk to you before it gets more personal to you.
1. What is great about being a man?
2. What is your definition of a successful life?
3. What qualities do you like about yourself?
4. What qualities do you admire in other people?
5. Who are your heroes?
6. If you could have a conversation with one person, alive or historical, who would that be and why?
7. What is God or spirituality to you? How important is that in your life?
8. Where do you get your spiritual nourishment?
9. What makes you feel free?
10. What's your idea of a perfect day? What makes is perfect?
11. If you won the lottery, what would you do?
12. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would that be?
13. How do you define greatness?
14. What is your definition of an "honorable man"?
15. Who are your role models?
16. How have your needs changed since your 20s, 30s, 40s, etc?
17. What qualities do you think are distinctly male?
18. What accomplishments are you most proud of?
19. What do you want to be appreciated for?
20. What have you done out of obligation that you really didn't want to do?
21. When do feel at peace?
22. How do you relax?
23. What do you do for fun?
24. How much adventure do you need and where do you get it?
25. How much "alone time" do you need and what does it provide
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